Alchemy Isn't for Kids
by NOxLONGERxHERE
Summary: Every alchemist you know and love learning alchemy for the first time.....but nothing goes well for them... Please R&R!
1. You Shouldn't Play With Fire

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of its characters. I only own my characters, Kimiko, Joseph, and Kurumas.

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_Note: All of the people are about 7 or 8 years old._

Roy: There's nothin to do.

Maes: Yeah.

Roy: Hey! I know! Let's go play in my dad's room! He's got a lot of stuff in there!

-Both of them run into the room-

Roy: Maes come here! Look what I found!

Maes: What are they?

Roy: I think they're gloves. -picks them up-

Maes: But, what are those weird looking circles on them?

Roy: I don't know. -puts gloves on-

Mrs Mustang: -walks by, then stops- Roy What are you doing! STOP!

Roy: -snaps fingers-

The house catches on fire and neighbors watch as Mrs. Mustang runs out of the house, carrying Maes and Roy.

Maes: Roy...I said not to do that!

Roy: ...

Maes: ROY!

Roy: ...

Maes: Uh...R-Roy?

Roy: ...

Maes: Oh GOD! Mrs. Mustang! Mrs. Mustang! Call the hospital! Roy's dead!

Mrs Mustang: -runs to Roy and feels his pulse- ...

Maes: I-is he dead?

Mrs Mustang: ...No...he's asleep...

Maes: -anger marks pop up everywhere- ...Roy...!

**Maes starts beating the freakin crap out of Roy.**

Roy: -snores- ... -drools-

Maes: EEEWW! He drooled on me! Get it off! Get it off! -runs around in circles-

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Whaddya think? Didya like it? If so, send a review or I won't continue the story.


	2. Knives are not toys

Thanks for the reviews! Here's Ed's chapter!

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Trisha: Alright you three, I'll be back so you just behave yourselves.

Ed & Al: We will. -smiles-

Kimiko: -stares at the both of them- ...

Trisha: -closes door-

Ed: Yeah! Now she's gone! -jumps up and down- Let's go into Dad's old room.

Al: Uh brother...I don't think we should...

Ed: Aw c'mon Al! Quit worryin'! Everything'll be just fine!

Kimiko: Al's right Ed. I don't think we should go into Dad's room. You never know what could be in there.

Ed: ...Oh, you two are babies! I'll go in there by myself then! -turns around and walks off-

Kimiko: Uh-uh! You're aren't going in there by yourself! Who knows what you could do in there! -follows Ed into the room-

Al: -sigh- Why me? -follows Ed & Kimiko-

Ed: Woah! There's a lot of old junk in here!

Kimiko: You're right...there is a lot of junk. -picks up an old sock- Eeeww! -throws it down-

Al: Uh Ed? It's too dark in here and I can't se--! -slams face into a dresser- ...see...

Kimiko: Hey look! A candle! -lights the candle-

Ed: There Al. Now you can see.

-The three walk around in the room for about fifteen minutes.-

Al: Aaaaggh! We're lost! -runs around in circles-

Ed: Al stop it! We're not lost, we're just...uh...um let's see...Crap! We are lost! -screams with Al-

Kimiko: And you said I was a baby...

Ed: Huh? -stops- What's this thing? -stares at a circle on the floor-

Al: I know what that is! Mom called it a...um...tran...train station circle!

Ed: Really? So, if we touch the circle, will it bring us trains and stuff?

Al: Maybe.

Kimiko: I don't know Ed...maybe you really shouldn't...

Ed: -puts both hands on the circle-

-Bright lights flash and the room turns blue for a second.-

Ed: Did it work?

Al: I don't know.

-The three of them hear screeching noises and go running out of the room...followed by demon knives.-

Ed: AL! How do we get rid of them!

Al: How should I know!

Ed & Al: KIMIKO!

Kimiko: No way! I'm not gonna help you! It's your fault for touching tht circle! -trips and falls- (the knives fly right over her)

-Ed and Al are still being chased, but now Kimiko's free-

Kimiko: -gasp- I'll save you guys! -claps hands together-

-Kimiko performs alchemy and all the knives turn into regular cable wires. (that are not demons!)-

Kimiko: I hope you guys learned your lessons!

Ed: -sitting in the corner- What did you do...just a minute ago...?

Al: -whimpering from fear-

Kimiko: (thinking to herself) Hmmm...I've got an idea.

Trisha: -opens the door- I'm home! -stops suddenly-

Kimiko: -chasing Ed and Al around doing alchemy at the same time-

Ed & Al: -runs away from Kimiko screaming their heads off-

Trisha: ...What did I miss...?

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	3. Villain or Super Villain?

Next chapter WEEEEEEEE!

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Lust: Hey Envy...Is there any way to make you shut up?

Envy: -being hyper and annoying- Nope! Don't think so!

Sloth: Apparently he's excited about the new sin that's coming by today.

Lust: I guess so...

Gluttony: Hey Lust? Can I eat him?

Lust: Which one? Newbie or Envy? If you eat Envy that's fine.

Envy: -bouncing up and down- Weeee! Weeee! Hahahahaha! Weeee!

-Then a door comes out of nowhere-

Envy: Eeep! -runs and hides behind Lust-

Lust: -rolls eyes- You're such a baby.

Sloth: No. He's a palm tree.

Envy: Am not!

Gluttony: Are too!

-The giant door opens-

Envy: Eeep! -hides...again- I'm not a palm tree but I am a baby...

-A figure walks out of the door-

Lust: That must be him.

Sloth: ...-nods-

Wrath: Hi! My name's Wrath!

Envy: -jaw drops- He's...he's just a little kid!

Wrath: Hey! I'm not little! I'll have you know that I am officially eight years old. -holds up three fingers-

Envy: -tries not to laugh- Okay...-giggle- You're not little...-busts out laughing-

Wrath: -angermark pops up- Stop laughing at me! -transmutes a giant spike from the ground-

Envy: Aaagh! -runs up a tree- (hehe...tree) Wha-wha-what was that!

Wrath: -giggle- I'm an alchemist.

Envy: That's not fair! I wanna be an alchemist! I wanna I wanna I wanna! -hops up and down like a pouty baby-

Lust: -finger goes through Envy's forehead- Will you shut up!

Envy: -falls face first into the ground- ...

Lust: Maybe that was a little too hard...

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Ren Chan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU PUT THE PALMTREE IN YOUR STORY! -evil glare- I shall kill... -looks for the talking tree with knife in hand-... ... ... -sweatdrop- Why am I the one talking in YOUR story?


	4. Kindergarten

Okay... bombs... I'm thinking bombs... who else could it be than (Ta - Dah!) Kimbley!

I say boom boom boom! Let me hear ya say Whay-oh!

All: Whay-oh!

Yeah don't ask... ;;;

And by the way... this is Kimbley's first day of kindergarten.

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Mrs Kimbley: Now look. You need to make nice friends Zolf.

Zolf: Aw... but I don't wanna go to kindergarten!

Mrs Kimbley: I don't care! You are going and that's final!

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Mr Humphrey: Welcome to your first day of kindergarten... uh... what's your name again?

Zolf: ...Zolf. My name is Zolf...

Mr Humphrey: Okay Zol--

Zolf: Zolf J Kimbley... the 2nd! Son of the man who invented bombs!

Mr Humphrey: uh... no. your dad didn't invent bombs. He used them.

Zolf: -in shock- Wha--? -thinking- He lied to me... that stupid son of a--- AAAAGGHH! How could he do this to me! His own frickin son!

Mr Humphrey: Uh... are you okay Zolf?

Zolf: Sure. Yeah. I'm. Fine.

Mr Humphrey: Great! Now why don't you go play with the other kids?

Zolf: -stomps off- ...

Riza: Ha! I GOT YOU WITH MY 64 CALIBER RIFLE!

Roy: What's that?

Jean: Dunno.

Maes: Lookie! Lookie! I have pictures of my dog to show you!

Roy: Get those things outta my face! You always show the same damn pictures every frickin day! Get over it!

Zolf: Who are these people?

Mr Humphrey: Okay! C'mon kids! Sit down in a circle on the floor! It's time to play a game!

All: Okay! -runs and sits in a circle-

Mr Humphrey: Okay, we're gonna play a game called pat-a-cake. Does anyone already know how to play?

(Nobody raises their hand.)

Mr Humphrey: Okay. So... I'll teach you how to play. First you need to partner up.

Roy: Hey Riza? You wanna be my partner?

Riza: Sure! BANG! Ha! Gotcha again!

Jean: Uh... anyone wanna be my partner?

Grace: Sure! I'll partner up with you!

Jean: Yay... she's such a pretty girl... -blush-

Zolf: ... Hey... Everyone's got a partner but me...

Mr Humphrey: Its okay Zolf. I'll be your partner. -sits down w/ Zolf- Okay. Everyone ready and listening? First you clap your hands together.

Zolf: -claps hands-

Mr Humphrey: Then you reach out in front of you and clap your partner's hands.

Zolf: -puts his hands on Mr Humphrey's-

(Mr Humphrey explodes)

Zolf: -stuck halfway inside the wall- Ow...

Maes: Oh my god Zolf! Whaddya do to him!

Roy: Yeah! He just sploded everywhere!

Riza: Tell me or I'll shoot. -holds up finger- (NOT the middle one! Like when you pretend to have a gun!)

Maes: You don't need to get so violent Riza...

Zolf: ... -stares at hands- but.. how did I... all I did was draw some circles on my hands from my Dad's book. I thought they were cool lookin.

Jean: Lemme see! -looks at his hands- Hmmmmm... oh my god...

Roy: Wha-what is it!

Jean: I don't... know...

All: -anime falls over-

Zolf: -claps hands together-

Jean: blah blah blah blah...

(Jean explodes)

Zolf: -stuck against the wall again- Ow...

Roy: Stop doing that!

Maes: Yeah! Everyone's gonna splode if you don't stop!

Zolf: -stares at hands with the evilest grin a child can have- hehehehe...

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That's how Kimbley became... well... Kimbley. He blew up his teacher Mr. Humphrey.

Poor Mr Humphrey...

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Send me reviews! I won't do another if I don't get reviews! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


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